it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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