I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
