Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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