i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
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They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
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Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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