its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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