just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
