Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize