I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
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