i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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