JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
