Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
