Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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