3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize