I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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