3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
