i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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