those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
