sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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