the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
