If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
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I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
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Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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