I wish I could punch you in the face.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
