This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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