Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
