I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
