I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
