In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
