Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
