my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The air was thick with penises
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
