I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
