Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I wannas sexs uuuuu
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
