Small penises have feelings too.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
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I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
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I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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