im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
