3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Found the puke drawer
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
