His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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