a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize