sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
