I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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