It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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