Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
