Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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