seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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