nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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