NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
