It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
