"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
