Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Randomize
