What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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