Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
