Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
