I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
