You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
