I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
