You're completely useless in the revolution.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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