We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
