just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
