She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
