Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
