I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
