He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
