im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
