Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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