Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
