you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Randomize
