I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
